From Hallel to Hallel

בס״ד

So much has been going on, and I've had so much stuff going round and round in my head.  Maybe that's why I've been taking so many naps lately.

A 13 year-old girl, Hallel Yaffa Ariel, who loved to dance and who wrote beautifully about emunah*, was butchered in her bed in Kiryat Arba by a hate-trained,17 year-old Arab terrorist/murderer.  Her grand-mother is a friend and neighbor of ours.  We have met the family and had meals with them when they have visited in Efrat.  We even went to their vineyard and picked grapes earlier this year.

The murderer's Mother called him a "hero".

Then of course there's the political farce going on in the US Presidential campaign.

There's also our vacillating, indecisive Israeli government.

Then there's the ongoing work of overcoming my many shortcomings, and trying to find my place as a Jew.  I've started working - in actually a volunteer capacity - at the Emunah Center.  It's run by Rav Dror Moshe Cassouto - kind of a rebel Breslover Chasid.  He is baal tshuvah*, learned intensely with Rav Aroush for 12 years.  He has the ability to express the essence of having faith, and he cuts through a lot of the trappings and chumrahs* that can prevent a real connection to God.

Rav Dror’s approach is very attractive in that he de-emphasizes chumrahs while reminding us of the centrality of mitzvos*.  This is also appealing to a lot of non-Jews who are used to approaching God through faith.  Intellectuality is secondary to emunah.  In most of the frum world, learning is praised while faith and midos are expected to stem from that. I’m not completely convinced of either path.

So, I'm approaching this cautiously but getting a lot out of it as well.  Not becoming a groupie, but filtering the message for nuggets of gold.  There is something I need in there.  

I experienced an amazing Yom Ha'atzmaut this year. I was witness to and participated in the most pristine Hallel* ever.  A true outpouring of praise for and gratitude to the Creator for the miracle that we live every day - to be Jews in our Land.  Every other Hallel in my life pales before it.

That's the kind of "worship" I would like to have a lot more of.  I have no motivation to doven in shul except that I'm supposed to.

We're now on the slippery slope to Tisha B'Av, and I don't know how I'm going to get through it.  I need a lot more Yiddishe nachas* from my relationship with the Creator.  Misery does not bring me any closer, and I have consciously chosen Simcha* as the path for me.  Our religion has taught us very well how to be miserable, but we're pathetic at joy.  That's why, only after 64 years, I experienced true praise and thankfulness as Israeli Jews celebrated a miracle about which most of Orthodoxy says "Feh !”.

So I struggle with that.  There won't be any kinos* for me this year.  I haven't decided what I'm going to do.  My usual schedule is to sleep for as much of the day as possible.  This year, I might just find a nice secluded place and sing songs, and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, and be grateful that I am able to do such a thing on Tisha B'Av.  That's what we really need to do - be grateful.

So from Yom Ha'Atzmaut until now, I have travelled from Hallel to Hallel.  From a Hallel of true praise resembling the Simchas Bais HaShoeiva*, to the murder of Hallel Yaffa Ariel in Kiryat Arba, 20 minutes from my home, and 5 minutes from the kever that Avraham Avinu purchased for his wife Sarah, a few thousand years ago.

My daughter Tova and her husband Dovid are teaching their 20 month-old daughter, Raqueli, not to whine.  One day she started to whine, and then stopped herself and said "no whining" while she shook her little finger back and forth.

The other day she said "no crying", but Tova told her it's OK to cry.  She still wasn't clear on the difference, because she later said "I crying" when she wasn't.  She meant that she was crying on the inside.

It's OK to cry, even on the inside.  But whining seems to be what really got us into trouble on Tisha B'Av.  We whined because of our failure to appreciate Eretz Yisrael.  So this year, if I want to cry, I will.  If I want to sing, I will. But I'm not going to whine.  And I will be grateful.

Rav Dror says that waiting for Moshiach is stupid.  You go out and perfect yourself and your world to the best of your ability, and tell Moshiach you're not going to sit around waiting for him to change the world so you can be happy.  You're going to make yourself happy by changing what is in your hands to change.  And Moshiach is welcome to come whenever he is ready.

As Yul Brynner said in The Ten Commandments, “So let it be written, so let it be done”.

Or is it just me?







* Glossary:
emunah - faith
chumrahs- stringencies
midos - character traits
simcha - joy
mitzvos - commandments
baal tshuvah - someone who becomes religious
nachas - satisfaction
Simchas Bais HaShoeiva - water-drawing celebration in Temple times
frum - religious
Hallel - a service of praise on holidays
kinos - liturgical laments